Being kinder to my kinks

A couple of weeks ago, when I was in the middle of my dad being seriously ill, I had to deal with my hair. As I wrote before, the scalp was out of control, so I couldn’t go another two weeks (honestly, I shouldn’t have gone two weeks because my scalp doesn’t roll like that). Anyhow, I had about an hour and a half to wash, condition and style… but I was so tired. After I washed and conditioned, I sat in the family room with The Hubby and got to styling. About 15 minutes in, he said, “What are you doing over there? You sound like you’re ripping your hair out of your head.”

I looked at my Denman brush, which was covered in my hair, and realized that trying to do my hair when I rushed and tired was probably not the best idea.

I was being extremely rough with my hair — EXTREMELY rough. So the next time I washed my hair, I noticed a small area to the left of my crown that had been ripped out.


Honestly, for the weeks that my dad was sick and I was stressed, being kind to my hair and carving out the time to do my hair wasn’t an option. I just didn’t have the bandwidth or the energy. My extra time was spent trying to sleep or spending time with my mom to ensure that she was OK.

Now that things are going better with my father, I decided to try to be kinder to my hair. On Saturday, we had some wintry weather and I decided to stay home. It was the perfect time to wash my hair and deal with the scalp that was causing me trouble. I had checked out Kimmaytube’s video about washing and conditioning. Regardless of what people say about Kim, she knows what she’s talking about when it comes to hair. I checked out her video and decided to use her method for the next few months.

The biggest mistake that I’ve made is using my Denman outside the shower. I’ve never been one to detangle probably as well as I should. So when I got to the styling portion of the production, I still had a number of tangles… which I would use my Denman to rip through.

Not smart. And, this isn’t rocket science. This is stuff that I’m sure that I knew, but just wasn’t putting into practice, then wondering why the heck do I have single strand knots? Why did I see split ends? Why do my ends look trashy?

Because I’m treating my hair like crap. One thing that Kim mentioned in her video that struck a cord with me was it’s not about products, it’s about technique. If hair stayed healthy because of the number of creams, gels, conditioners and whatnot I slathered on it, I’d be at waist length by now.

I’m not.

I’ve reached one hair goal – having shoulder length hair, but I’m not just happy with that. I’m hoping to reach APL sometime this year, with my final goal being BSL or MBL. I think that I’ve had a bit of a setback the first couple of weeks of January, so what am I going to do?

  • Only do the production — detangling, washing, conditioning, styling — when I have the time.
  • Make detangling well in the shower a priority.
  • Put down the Denman unless I’m in the shower.
  • Wear protective or at least low maintenance styles for the next few months to catch up on the growth that I will have to cut off.

We’ll see what happens now. I’ve been wearing a low maintenance style all week and I’ve been hiding my ends from this frigid Canadian cold and my central heat (I love me some heat, but boy does it dry out your hair!). Do you guys have any tips on how to be kinder to your kinks?


4 Comments Add yours

  1. Aisak says:

    Girl I was gonna suggest that you get rid of that Denman. I saw Kim using it too and I thought it was gonna be such a great thing for me. It was ripping my hair out all over the place. I can’t handle that kind of damage. I might give it a try later on when I am less scared of a setback. I was almost bald in some places ( and everywhere else was extremely damaged) when I went natural-accidentally as well- and I have gone through so much this year with breakage issues and still wound up on top of the world with great growth (for me anyway) at my length check. Still not sure if the breaking is done. I gotta see but I just started using my fingers instead. Why doest Kim tempt me so? Lol. BTW you can see my beginning and after on my nappiversary post if you just click on my name. ^_^

    1. urbansista says:

      I really am thinking about putting the Denman down… but I’m scared of getting single strand knots. I need to get those loose hairs out of my head so they don’t tangle and cause SSKs (which I HATE with a passion!). Last wash day, I used my fingers, two detangling combs and then the Denman.

      I just watched your length check video — you’ve come a long way! Your hair looks great! I think for me, breakage will always remain a big concern because our hair is so delicate and, as far as I’m concerned, there is no quick way to detangle my hair… at least I haven’t found a quick way to do it.

      When I washed my hair using Kim’s method, I didn’t find that my hair broke. I think it comes down to me just being patient and taking my time when I’m dealing with my hair.

      I’m going to try Kim’s method for three more weeks and see how my hair reacts. I’ll update to let everyone know 🙂

  2. Shan says:

    I’ve been beating myself up lately over my daughter’s hair (though I know I shouldn’t be.) I finally got her hair to the point that there were no strands left in the bathwater after a wash or conditioning. Then I was sick for a month and a half and it took all the energy I had just to comb it into a puff for school. Eventually I was able to get my SIL to give her some protective styles, but the damage was done.

    So now I’m trying to nurse her hair back to health. Only protective styles now, more deep conditioning and better detangling.

    1. urbansista says:

      A couple of days of not taking care of your hair can result in damage that takes months to repair. And it sucks! But it’s a lesson learned… at least it was for me. Don’t beat yourself up – life happens. All we can do is cope and get through it. It’s only hair — we can grow some more 😉 BTW, I got my leave-in at Your Good Health! They told me they always stock it! Whoo hoo!

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