This blog post started off as a short, tongue in cheek rant about women who are only interested in a man with a white collar career… but it’s taken on a life of its own. The story starts a couple of weekends ago. A friend and I were having a conversation about relationships and how difficult it is to meet guys – especially in your 30s.
As we get older, the pickings can get slim because a lot of people are married, in relationships, going through divorces, tired of the dating scene or have unrealistic view of relationships. I know that men have their issues too, but I’m focusing on the women today based on the conversation I had.
Now, we all know there are a number of reasons why people are single. Some just haven’t met the right person and others are not interested in getting into a serious relationship at this point in their lives. There are some people, and we all know some, who are about the more material things in life. They try to make it sound more PC by saying they are looking for a professional man.
So, the conversation that my friend and I had went something like this:
Friend: “I don’t know where to meet men. I mean, really, I have no clue where to go.”
Me: “Well, what kind of guy are you looking for?”
Friend: “Definitely a professional man, making six figures—”
Me: “So, hold up. What about a blue collar man?”
Friend: “What do you mean, ‘blue collar’?”
Me: “You know: a plumber, electrician, bus driver—”
Friend: “Me? Are you kidding? I thought you knew me better than that.”
Me: “I am surprised and shocked! Why wouldn’t you date a blue collar man?”
Friend: “I like status. That’s not status.”
Me: “OK, so you’re telling me, if you met a plumber and he treated you like a princess—”
Friend: “What do you mean that he treats me like a princess? Who is this guy? Describe him.”
Me: “Ummm… he’s a great guy, he treats you well. He’s in his mid-30s, he owns his own home, has investments, makes $75,000 a year, he has a car—”
Friend: “What does he drive?”
Me: “A Mazda 6.”
Friend with face set up: “Uh uhn. He can’t drive a Mazda 6.”
Me: “What’s wrong with a Mazda 6?” The Hubby and I are considering a Mazda 6 — I think they’re pretty good cars…
Friend: “No man, he’s needs a better car than that. I told you, I’m about status. That’s not status. And is $75,000 good money?”
Me: “I think it’s pretty good money. You don’t?”
Friend: “I don’t know. I was thinking more like six figures.”
I’ve heard many a woman both live and online talk about only wanting professional men and I’m baffled. There is nothing wrong with a professional man, The Hubby is a professional man, but I can say with 99% certainty, when I met my husband and he told me he was a plumber, we still would have gotten married. Nothing between us would have changed because I didn’t marry him for what was on his business card. I married him because of the person he is.
I had to ask a couple of my other friends, because I was truly curious about why some women put such importance on the profession and less on the man himself. One friend explained it like this:
If I didn’t know a guy, would I consider dating him if he were blue-collar? Well frankly, he’d have to work harder to prove he was up to par. For me sophistication in thought is very important and I get “turned on” so to speak, with high intellect. A university education can give you that. Can a blue-collar worker have all that? Of course. But he’d be a rarer breed than one in professional circles. (Again not all professionals are intellectuals). He may be financially my equal, but I need a lot more than that for a lifetime together or I’d get bored with him. Also, I’m a professional myself. I put a lot of work into my thinking abilities. I expect the same of my partner and that together we may impart the same to our children.
I get that , but I find for the most part women don’t verbalize it like that. They are all about how a professional man makes more money and will allow them to live in the lifestyle they’ve been made accustomed to. I would say 95% of the women I’ve heard say they want a professional man just want someone to show off, more than someone who values higher education.
Here’s what another friend said:
To be honest, I think many of us are caught up in the old school mentality that did not equate a productive future with anything less than a university degree. The thought was that university was the prize, college was good but the trades were a letdown. White collar was linked to status and education and thus financial security. Blue collar was a step downwards.
There was little true knowledge about the fact that many tradespeople and contractors are extremely well paid and many pursue entrepreneurial endeavors (a big plus to me). I wish I had been a plumber or an electrician because I’d be paid in full right about now!!
But seriously. The sisters got it wrong and in many cases they are just the products of old school ideas that are hard to get rid of.
I know that everyone has their preferences, but some women are really caught up with what a guy brings to the table. Now, by no means am I telling any woman to date or marry I-have-potential-but-I’m-not-doing-anything Man, but why is it OK to judge someone by their profession? We weren’t talking about a pimp, DJ or escort – we were talking about a gainfully employed person. This wasn’t a discussion of he has to be able to support me or keep up with me or even does he value education – this is, as my friend said a couple of times, about status.
The friend who inspired this post is a great woman: smart, opinionated, fun with a little crazy thrown in for good measure. She deserves a good man – as do all of my single girlfriends, but I think she’s putting a roadblock in front of herself by disregarding a good man because he doesn’t have a so-called high-status job… and that is not a good look. At the end of the day, you can’t snuggle with a degree. A degree won’t hold your hand when you get a bad test results from the doctor. A good man will — whatever colour his collar is.
What do you think?